I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
