So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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