so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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