Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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