No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
