I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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