First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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