Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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