he shaved USA in his pubs
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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