my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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