You work out of a Hotel?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
