Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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