I got chris browned last night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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