Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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