just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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