What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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