3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
