I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
