I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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