i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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