WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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