I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
