wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
