So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
