pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
