Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
