Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
