i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
