Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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