Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
