I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
