You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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