I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
