found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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