worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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