you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
