Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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