Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
