I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
