Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
