Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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