A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
