why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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