My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She told me I should be a condom model.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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