If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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