Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i have two assholes
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
