Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize