also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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