girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
