I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
