Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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