Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
