you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
