My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
