Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
