Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize