i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
