did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
