She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
