And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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