did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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