That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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