i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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