My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
