a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
