It's like God shit irony all over that family
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
