Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
