It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize