yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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