You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
