Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
