So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
