You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
