I cut my penus on the lid.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
