everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
