then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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