do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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