You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
