I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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