I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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