i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
